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Douchebags Articles

BBT’s new hair

Look who can’t handle aging. Billy Bob Thornton coloured his hair. And it’s all flopsy around his forehead too. Like that’ll hide his douche. Please. Nothing can hide his douche. Remember when BBT got all pissy faced on CBC Radio Q with Jian Ghomeshi... Full Story

Billy Bob Thornton's old hair Billy Bob Thornton's new hair Billy Bob Thornton's new hair Billy Bob Thornton's new hair Billy Bob Thornton's new hair Billy Bob Thornton's new hair

Posted on Friday, March 19, 2010 at 9:01 AM

Little Bitch has to beg

Keep begging you piece of sh-t. Chris Brown beat down his girlfriend last year. Then he went jetskiing. And he went to basketball games. And he only reported for community service because he was ordered to. And he spends more time partying with Diddy and shooting music videos than reaching out to those who’ve suffered unspeakable abuse. Full Story

Chris Brown arriving in LA Chris Brown arriving in LA Chris Brown arriving in LA Chris Brown arriving in LA

Posted on Thursday, March 11, 2010 at 9:48 AM

Sean Penn: jealous little bitch

No idea at the time what the f-ck was coming out of Sean Penn’s mouth when he presented Best Actress at the Oscars on Sunday. The online community however has analysed the footage and determined he must have been referring to Robin Wright – his omission of her during his acceptance speech last year, and the Academy overlooking her performance in Pippa Lee. Full Story

Sean Penn at the Oscars 2010 Sean Penn at the Oscars 2010 Sean Penn at the Oscars 2010

Posted on Wednesday, March 10, 2010 at 8:29 AM

Front Row TryHards

It’s Fashion Week. And at the Calvin Klein show yesterday, four douches tryharded in the front row, creating a collective air of desperation that blanketed the clothes. Let’s start from right to left. It’s Jared Leto, big ass poseur hair, pretending people still want to make movies with him. Full Story

Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, Ryan Phillippe, and Kellan Lutz try hard at Calvin Klein front Kellan Lutz poses and reads in a tree Kellan Lutz poses and reads in a tree Kellan Lutz poses and reads in a tree Kellan Lutz poses and reads in a tree Kellan Lutz poses and reads in a tree Kellan Lutz poses and reads in a tree

Posted on Monday, February 15, 2010 at 7:55 AM

Douchey is sorry. Always sorry

John Mayer tweeted at New Year’s that he’d be taking some time to reflect, to cut off his Twitter musings, to try and tame his famewhore. That worked for about a week. Then he spoke to Rolling Stone and extolled the virtues of masturbation, revealing that he jerks off to his ex girlfriends all the time. Full Story

John Mayer apologises for racial slur

Posted on Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 6:54 AM

Porny Crack

Best. Interview. EVER. Sure, he’s a vile pig. We’re at rehearsal right now for Olympic Morning, and I am laughing my ass off. Not because that mother-cker isn’t a sick bitch, but because it’s just another case of douche spew coming out of his mouth. Who else can entertain this way? Every time he speaks it’s gold. Full Story

John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer

Posted on Wednesday, February 10, 2010 at 12:17 PM

Douchey misses Swifty?

Taylor Swift is touring Australia. John Mayer, in yet another cryptic tweet, posted on his Twitter a while ago that he’s missing someone. What's that song that goes "It's a quarter after one, I just huffed a can of ceiling paint and I need you now?" I like that one. Full Story

John Mayer performing in Florida John Mayer performing in Florida John Mayer performing in Florida John Mayer performing in Florida John Mayer performing in Florida John Mayer performing in Florida John Mayer's Twitter

Posted on Tuesday, February 09, 2010 at 1:49 PM

What is your hair?

Jared Leto showed up at a Calvin Klein event last night trying to resurrect his acting career with his hair… I guess. For someone like Robert Pattinson and the hair hysteria that exploded ovaries in tandem with his meteoric rise, it worked in that case because it seemed genuine. He just has messy hair. Full Story

Jared Leto last night at a Calvin Klein event Jared Leto last night at a Calvin Klein event Jared Leto last night at a Calvin Klein event Jared Leto last night at a Calvin Klein event Jared Leto last night at a Calvin Klein event Jared Leto last night at a Calvin Klein event

Posted on Friday, January 29, 2010 at 8:01 AM

John Mayer & Keith Urban Crossroads

It was taped last night. Third Lip was not seen. There was room for only one ego in the joint, it belonged to John Mayer. One source described it as follows: “he’s a rambling douche”. And his self-indulgent f-ckery wasn’t well received. Here’s an incident that sums it up: The musicians had plenty of opportunity to prep. Full Story

Keith Urban John Mayer

Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 12:59 PM

Oh Swifty...please be careful.

Last night John Mayer was in Nashville for the Crossroads taping with Keith Urban. More on how that went down later. Taylor Swift attended amid speculation that she and Mayer are now dating. My sources tell me she was backstage before the show, totally crushing on him, very "smitten", flirting, like a young girl intoxicated by attraction to an older man, too young to separate artistry from douchery. Full Story

Taylor Swift & John Mayer at Vevo Launch December 2009 Taylor Swift & John Mayer at Vevo Launch December 2009 Taylor Swift & John Mayer at Vevo Launch December 2009

Posted on Wednesday, January 27, 2010 at 11:32 AM

Mr Taupe is a sulky bitch

Remember Taupe Garner’s interview with Parade? When she revealed that Ben Affleck courted her via email? Well, Ben was at Sundance the other day promoting The Company Men and was asked about Garner’s quote at which point he turned into a sulky little bitch and basically embarrassed his wife on television, not so subtly admonishing her for revealing their romantic secrets. Full Story

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

Posted on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 at 12:28 PM

Jennifer Aniston picks another loser

Spittle Gerard Butler clearly can’t follow instruction. All he has to do is pretend to be dating Jennifer Aniston until after their movie comes out. It’s only 2 months. But 2 months is too long. Especially for a pig like Gerry. Gerry likes to paw at people randomly. And he did so this weekend in Venice Beach. Full Story

Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach Gerard Butler caught kissing random woman in Venice Beach

Posted on Monday, January 25, 2010 at 7:28 AM

John Mayer is still f-cking Jen & Jess

In his mind. When he jerks off. These are his go-to girls. For reals. And he admits it. To Rolling Stone. Have you heard? Here’s the thing... before we cut him down... I’ll take a John Mayer interview before a bland, boring, generic, cookie cutter interview any time. Like Jessica Biel in Vogue. Full Story

John Mayer talks masturbation and relationships in Rolling Stone John Mayer talks masturbation and relationships in Rolling Stone John Mayer talks masturbation and relationships in Rolling Stone John Mayer talks masturbation and relationships in Rolling Stone

Posted on Wednesday, January 20, 2010 at 7:48 AM

Worst Couple: Pity & Spittle

She has spent the last 5 years trying to be known as something other than the TV Girl and the ex Mrs Pitt. Bless Ricky Gervais for introducing her as Rachel from Friends. BLESS HIM SO HARD. Oh and she felt it. Right up the slit in her leg she felt it. Jennifer Aniston wore another black dress, this time with mismatched breasts and a lot of thigh. Full Story

Jennifer Aniston at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at the Golden Globes 2010 Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at the Golden Globes 2010

Posted on Monday, January 18, 2010 at 11:14 AM

Douchebag borrows material

He’s an artist. And the thing about an artist like John Mayer, one of the most pretentious artists in the business, is that he truly believes that his sh-t is the greatest sh-t of all time. That his mind is the most unique, most original, that his thoughts are the most enlightening and profound. Full Story

John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer John Mayer

Posted on Thursday, January 14, 2010 at 9:03 AM

Full Porny < Tila?

Jessica Simpson went out with friends last night and cranked up the full Porny. For those of you who are new to the site, now you know why that’s her name. Porny. She can’t help but look Porny. Not with those breasts. Jesus, those breasts. It’s obscene. How does it breathe? You could put a tv dinner tray on her rack and it wouldn’t move. Full Story

Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Billy Corgan dated Tila Tequila Billy Corgan dated Tila Tequila Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends Jessica Simpson’s huge tits go out with friends

Posted on Thursday, January 14, 2010 at 6:59 AM

Cleansing didn’t help

You can’t clean a douche. Does that make sense? In reference to John Mayer...yes. John announced at New Year’s on his Twitter that he was taking a break from being a dick. So you’ve heard about his pathetic stand up comedy attempts, right? Click here... Full Story

John Mayer loser stand up act in London John Mayer loser stand up act in London John Mayer loser stand up act in London John Mayer loser stand up act in London John Mayer loser stand up act in London John Mayer loser stand up act in London

Posted on Wednesday, January 13, 2010 at 7:16 AM

The Only For Sookie look

Remember True Blood last season when Sookie dreamt about being in bed with Eric and they were sex talking and she was all like, I know you’re not an asshole through and through and he answered something to the effect that his soft side was “only for Sookie”? Well isn’t this is the Only For Sookie look? Hot. Full Story

Alexander Skarsgard has lunch with friend at Joan’s Alexander Skarsgard has lunch with friend at Joan’s Alexander Skarsgard has lunch with friend at Joan’s Alexander Skarsgard has lunch with friend at Joan’s Alexander Skarsgard has lunch with friend at Joan’s

Posted on Tuesday, January 12, 2010 at 6:50 AM

Emile WHO?

Robert Pattinson was hanging out with Emile Hirsch in Cannes. We were there that night at the Du Cap when they arrived and, for Laura, I endured two hours of his bullsh-t before I made her leave. Because I could no longer stand Emile Hirsch’s groundbreaking Ph.D dissertation on filmmaking. Click here... Full Story

Emile Hirsch called Shia LaBeouf on Kilimanjaro climb

Posted on Wednesday, January 06, 2010 at 8:54 AM

Gerry at the beach

It’s expired. You can’t possibly use Dear Frankie anymore as a quiveration rationalisation for Gerard Butler. Or Phantom of the Opera, and he was gross in that anyway. As for his boorish grunting in 300 – that’s done too. At least the body is. So let’s recap shall we? Gerry has no real discernable talents. Full Story

Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body Gerard Butler on holiday in Barbados with a gross body

Posted on Monday, January 04, 2010 at 9:50 AM