Parent Pimps Articles
I’m telling you, Tom Cruise Jr really IS Tom Cruise Jr. In so many ways. This is Taylor Lautner leaving LAX today. Side by side, see for yourself. Right? And the security detail too. It’s the same! Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise Jr. They same body type, the same aviators, Jr’s even working the jaw clench now, and of course the same plastic machine Hollywood attitude. Full Story
Taylor Lautner showed up to the premiere of The Runaways last night to support Kristen Stewart. The side-lean, while still present, was not as out of control the way it was at the Oscars. That sh-t was crazy at the Oscars, non? But even though he seems to have reined in his side-leaning tendencies, or lengthened one of his legs, Taylor is still working a carpet like Victoria Beckham and Renee Zellweger. Full Story
It’s the lack of humility that we’ve addressed so many times before. And on grand occasions like this it’s even more pronounced. They’ve raised her with such an alarming sense of entitlement. And of course, in this town, that sense of entitlement is oftentimes unearned. In front of a room full of people she should be aspiring to BE, she’s already fronting like she IS. Full Story
Taylor Lautner will present at the Oscars. He’ll pose on the carpet with the side lean, he’ll enunciate every syllable, he’ll bring his earnestness to the Kodak, follow every play in the Impress the MiniVan Guidebook... and he won’t have much of a normal teenage life. Where are his teenage friends? His teenage friends are werewolves. Full Story
Ali Lohan is 16 years old. Believe it. She was in London the other night with her older sister Lindsay and was photographed out on the town looking like this. THIS. 16 is still underage right? So, like, she should be supervised by an adult? And Lindsay Lohan, in and out of rehab, cranked out of her f-cking mind, this is considered proper adult supervision? What the f-ck is Dina Lohan doing? Look at her. Full Story
Taylor Lautner turns 18 next week. Last night he was sitting courtside at the Lakers game. Seems like a normal famous teen Wednesday night activity, right? Sure, totally normal. Except he was with adults. Surrounded by adults. A 17 year old who never seems to have any friends his own age. Aside from being photographed on dates with Taylor Swift, how often does he roll with a younger crowd? Where are his friends? Note to Lautner Management: must audition friends. Full Story
Thank you for your emails in support of my quiveration for Eminem validating me against Duana’s disgust. He was HOT last night. And even Michelle admitted his face didn’t look so f-cked up. Check the way he’s wearing his pants. Please. With Drake and Wayne, Em delivered. Em was sharp, Em was tight, Em was SEX, and Drake is the pride of the 416. Full Story
Or she’s trying to make Samantha Ronson jealous. Paps caught Lindsay Lohan out last night with a new beau. His name is Aurelien Wiik. He’s a French actor. To me he’s an Adam Brody clone. French Adam Brody and Lilo were kissing. At a private party inside some store. Naturally, her mother was with her. Full Story
Not depressed enough this week? How about watching a video of 10 year old Noie or Noah whatever Cyrus, JailBait v 2.0, miming Ke$ha’sTik Tok ... and somehow this found its way onto YouTube. Don’t bother asking what the f-ck her folks are up to. It’s not as offensive, I guess, as the time she worked a pole, or dressed like a working girl for Halloween, and I’m sure she’s not the only 10 year old to lipsynch to pop music. Full Story
Lindsay Lohan. She can’t follow up a win with a win. And you’d think that, especially with so few wins in her life these days, she’d at least want to savour a rare one. Oh no. This is the Lilo. And the drama always overrides everything. Friday afternoon, the trailer for her trip to India was released. Full Story
What? Disney JailBait? Of course not. She’s totally still a virgin. A virgin who travels on her own to spend time with her boyfriend in Australia. A virgin who has travelled back with him to LA. A virgin who was rolling around on the beach with him the other day, kissing, but definitely no more than that. Full Story
Lindsay Lohan promised on her Twitter at New Year’s that 2010 would be all about the Lohan Mayhem. In a “positive” way. Please. Is that possible? Lilo is currently with Ali in St Barts. The mother is nowhere to be found. They’ve been walking around in their bikinis, attending high roller parties, frying their orange skin. Full Story
In fairness to Madonna, she’s got a decade on Nicole Kidman. Still…the sight of these two on the same carpet last night at the New York premiere of Nine must have been a plastic surgeon’s erection. What? But Granny Kidman doesn’t f-ck around with her face. That’s what she tells magazines. Full Story
Since I’m going to hell already I’ll say it for you – the little one’s voice is just as annoying as her older sister. Of course it’s a Cyrus. What else could it be? You’ve already enjoyed the sight of Noah Cyrus working a pole... Full Story
Oh look, it’s Taylor Momsen walking around New York trying to give you a glimpse of her snatch. You like the garters? She thinks she’s so punk as f-ck, non? Taylor was heading to set on Gossip Girl. I was agonising with my friend LB this weekend about my New York wardrobe. Here in Vancouver we can wear Converse year round. Full Story
Just a small detail for the 2 of you who still don’t believe it… Thanks to a reader called RF who had the (mis)fortune of sitting one seat over from Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan last Friday night during the performance of Chicago in New York and observed the two “holding hands the entire show”. Full Story
Children wake up,hold your mistake up,before they turn the summer into dust. Songs just pop in your head suddenly. This is what popped when I saw these photos today of Sisters JailBait Miley and Noah Cyrus going through Miami airport. Miley is 17, Noah is 9. And they look it. And this is good. And it should be acknowledged. Full Story
This is what Noah Cyrus, 9 year old sister of JailBait Miley, looks like when they don’t skank her all up like a pageant girl. Totally normal, ordinary, even cute, right? Except of course for the naked fameloving all over her face. Nothing can mask that. Noah was hanging out by JailBait’s tour buses in Miami the other day, a holiday on the road with her family. Full Story
You’re about to choke. Because this is Ali Lohan with her mother yesterday volunteering at a pre-Thanksgiving luncheon serving over 200 people with disabilities. The Lohans giving back – with cameras in their faces – and Ali Lohan, normally aged 40, actually looking like a teenager. Full Story
Few celebrity offences are more offensive than That Line. You know That Line. When they drop That Line it’s like a spotlight on the soul. Using that line implies conceit, unearned entitlement, arrogance, and disrespect. Users of that line believe they are better than the recipient, that the recipient should be more deferential, that the recipient should consider himself blessed to be in the user’s presence. Full Story
