Jessica Biel Gossip
Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has joined us on the blogs! As is the case with everything Shelfy sets her ass to, the primary focus behind her first blog entry was to share with the world an update on her career, including the four film projects she’s pipweasled her ass onto thanks to the tireless tipping off of the paparazzi by her brilliant publicist. Full Story
Pippy Le Pew is currently starring in a box office bomb. Annihilated by critics and passed over by the public, The Love Guru is expected to drop steeply in just its second weekend. Justin Timberlake, although he refuses to take ownership, is still smarting from the failure. His Shelf Ass meanwhile is also suffering a setback. Full Story
Pippy Le Pew Justin Timberlake claims he suffers from OCD. But of course he does. All artists have compulsions, right? And Pip is, above all things, indisputably an artist. "I have OCD mixed with ADD. You try living with that. It's complicated”, he said. No douchebag… it’s contrived. Full Story
Pipsqueak and David Beckham at the Laker Game last night, quite obviously a meeting of the minds. Next to the Golden Balls, Pippy’s undropped handicap is all the more evident. But Becks is hot, isn’t it? As for Justin, didn’t see Shelf Ass Jessica Biel, which would mark the 2nd night in a row she wasn’t allowed to show herself off as his girlfriend. Full Story
The PipWeasel last night on the carpet for the premiere of The Love Guru which – maybe it’s just me – looks like total ass. Even the trailer. Get Smart instead, ok? After all, Steve Carell deserves it more than Mike Myers. And at least Steve isn’t a crazy unfunny bitch on set. Full Story
It hurts me to post these. It hurts to look at my golf clubs collecting dust in the closet. Just before breaking my arm, I had finally figured out my short game. Was supposed to break 100 this season. Many times. F*cking Mischa Barton... Full Story
Who’s the little Shelfy pouting in the corner? There’s the little Shelfy who needs more attention. Poor little petulant Shelfy has spent weeks off the headlines. That’s why the little Shelfy is stomping her feet. And putting her publicist right back to work. You see, Shelf Ass Jessica Biel has been stuck on a movie set with Jake Gyllenhaal who apparently read her the riot act, telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not to pull her usual paparazzi shenanigans and arrange “candids” from the set of their movie Nailed which has been filming over the last several weeks and recently shut down production reportedly from lack of funding. Full Story
Love this. LOVE. Thought at first it was a costume thing. That Cameron Diaz could not possibly have shaved her head. But photographers insist that she did. That for the sake of authenticity on the set of My Sister's Keeper, Cam went completely clean. Which takes balls. Which I know I used to say she used to have. Full Story
Shelf Ass Jessica Biel photographed at the airport headed to NYC after a lengthy delay. Wonder if she’ll be demanding that Pip start flying her in private planes from now on? Because her clever publicist, who has been able to build Shelfy’s career on the sole basis of choreographed candid photos of her impressive posterior, probably didn’t plan this. Full Story
Shelf Ass Jessica Biel somehow conned her way into a starring role opposite Jake Gyllenhaal in Nailed, the first screenplay co-penned by Kristin Gore. No wonder she’s so happily smug…although my sources say, she needs to be careful. Jakey, you see, is not a fan of her antics. Specifically her paparazzi antics. Full Story
Some important person in Hollywood was married Saturday night and the wedding brought out some young heavy hitters including an Olsen, a Speedman, a Pipqueak, and a Shelf Ass. Here are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel on their way out of the reception. As you can see from Shelfy’s smug ass expression, someone is very, very, very happy to be greeted by the paps. Full Story
This is single Cameron Diaz on the cover of May GQ. This is ridiculous. Cam’s body is ridiculous. Cameron tells the magazine that she’s been "boy crazy" for a year. That she is choosing not to be in a relationship because that’s where she is right now, preferring to enjoy instead a brief hook up now and again with the likes of John Mayer, Bradley Cooper, and – ugh – Criss Angel. Full Story
Seriously. There is actually a publicist/PR coach who is cleverer than Jessica Biel’s. And Jessica Biel’s publicist is a fecking genius. After all, that girl has gone from average looking borderline herm tv girl with a shelf ass to a wannabe movie actress dating a Pipsqueak. It’s like the showbiz equivalent of a hole-in-one, you know? The most challenging achievement in the world. Full Story
Much better as a brunette. Here’s Jessica Biel, walking her dog, showing off her newly re-darkened natural locks after posing as a blonde for Easy Virtue. Check her out trying to “turn away” from the cameras… Ummm. Shelfy? Sit DOWN! As if she didn’t want to be photographed, like, one day after getting her hair coloured. Full Story
Shelfy Biel is back in LA after spending weeks in England fouling up a new movie version of Easy Virtue. Here she is, back to her old tricks, walking her one remaining dog in Brentwood. There was an interesting item in the last issue of Us Weekly after recent rampant speculation about Pip Timberlake and Kate Hudson hooking up. Full Story
The benefits that come with dating George Clooney make up a long, long list. Not even sure if there is a downside to dating George. Especially not if you’re Sarah Larson, who was once a glorified gambling escort in Vegas, with a rather tawdry past, and who now has a front row seat at the Oscars on the arm of Hollywood’s reigning monarch. Full Story
Jennifer Connelly in Vancouver running along the seawall – she does this often – on Sunday in town shooting The Day the Earth Stood Still with Keanu Reeves and Will Smith’s son Jaden. This of course is why Will and Jada have been in town. Will is regularly seen in Jaden’s trailer. Full Story
Isla Fisher shooting in NYC yesterday on the set of Confessions of a Shopaholic – like The Devil Wears Prada, no doubt the movie will be far superior to the book, especially with Isla in the lead. Love Isla. Loved Isla in Definitely, Maybe. Have you seen yet? They always talk about that “It”. Full Story
He wasn’t there in person, but he was certainly there in spirit. Otherwise, how do you explain Shelf Ass’s invitation??? Here she is – the very blonde Jessica Biel at a pre-BAFTA party the night before and at the BAFTAs proper Sunday night, somehow invited to attend thanks to the tightness of her ass and, more importantly, to her boyfriend, without whom she certainly couldn’t buy her way onto this carpet. Full Story
Sweet Xenu… is there no such thing as an audition anymore??? That Justin Timberlake is an accomplished and talented musician is undisputed. Because although Pipsqueak’s balls may not have dropped, he can certainly sing. And dance. And write. And produce. All at the same time. But an actor he is not. Full Story
