Jessica Biel Gossip
Shelfy just has to eat it. Yesterday Jessica Biel who is these days more shrink ass than she is shelf ass was in New York promoting Summit on the Summit: Kilimanjaro, the doc that was filmed during her climb up the mountain last month with the poor man’s Shia LaBeouf and others. As you can see, her upper lip is f-cking CRAZY. Full Story
On camera. The bad news: Justin Timberlake keeps trying to act. And people keep hiring him. WTF? The good news: this role puts him opposite ex girlfriend Cameron Diaz in a movie called Bad Teacher. And it’s not a supporting part. JT is the male lead. No doubt producers are well aware of the drawing power that’ll come from the intrigue of pairing the former lovers on screen. Full Story
Jessica Biel was all over New York at the shows yesterday. She’s thinnified her body, she’s in with Wintour thanks to Justin Timberlake, now she’s trying to reinvent herself as a fashion girl, understanding that many of her more talented peers have signed prestigious endorsement contracts. Full Story
Justin Timberlake’s William Rast show presents today at Fashion week. Click here to livestream the event. Of course clingy Biel wouldn’t miss this opportunity to tag along on his star. Check her out, leaving his apartment this afternoon, freshly blown out, very dressed up, almost too much for William Rast, fronting like she’s regal and elegant Michelle Obama styles. Full Story
Can you imagine how jealous Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman must be of Jessica Biel’s mouth? Third Lip wants THAT Third Lip. And it’s natural...right? Discuss. After that nauseating display of girly chickflickness with Taupe Jennifer Garner, fronting like they’re all for women, Biel showed up on Letterman and demonstrated yet again her uninspired personality. Full Story
Ryan Gosling, where are you? I need you. Because it’s been a long ass day. Between the Olympics and blogging and rehearsals and a thousand emails on both accounts, this is the sh-t that completely picked my ass. I need a distraction from the sugar raping poseur vagina monologue delivered by Taupe and Shelfy on Good Morning America. Full Story
Um, yeah, so it’s a movie premiere. With an ensemble cast. Not that that makes a difference. Because it’s a MOVIE PREMIERE, it’s not the f-cking Oscars. But someone forgot to tell Jessica Biel who called up Kate Beckinsale for advice on what to wear. Which is why Shelfy showed up on the carpet last night full of tryhardery and way, way, WAY overdressed. Full Story
These are the articles you can write from the ass. Right off the get there’s the sense that you’ve arrived just in time to witness some killer celebrity fellatio. It’s Shelf Ass Jessica Biel and Taupe Jennifer Garner for Marie Claire to promote Valentine’s Day, featured together in an article so banal, it makes People seem controversial. Full Story
Someone knows he f-cked up. And someone is smart enough to be sorry for it. Or, at the very least, to look like he’s sorry for it. This is one of the qualities (of many qualities) that Chris Brown is lacking: Contrition. As posted yesterday, Ben Affleck gave an interview at Sundance during which he appeared to publicly rebuke his Taupe wife for telling a magazine about their courtship. Full Story
Do you remember Black Box? OMG. For weeks and weeks after the song came out, I thought it was “Right on Time” which is why every time I use the phrase “Right on Time”, I can hear it... Got to get up, got to get up, got to get up Got to get up, got to get up, got to get up Of course later on, a friend of mine gently corrected me that it was “Ride on Time” but still, the wrong title always stuck. Full Story
He’s a smug little bitch, but his game is music. And when he’s playing his game, he is almost infallible. Justin Timberlake’s rendition of Hallelujah with Matt Morris on Hope For Haiti Now was gorgeous. And a stark reminder: STOP ACTING. Please. It is not your gift. You have a gift. Full Story
As I first reported exclusively last November, Jessica Biel has landed Vogue. Poor Victoria Beckham. Anna’s giving away Vogue covers to B list actors now and Posh STILL can’t get it done. Jessica Biel has never carried a movie. She’s never been the lead. She’s not the first phone call for a romcom, a period drama, a courtroom thriller, an epic, a superhero franchise, or – please! – an Oscar bait project. Full Story
He said he would climb Kilimanjaro for charity, then his girlfriend decided to tag along, but he got booked for a movie so he backed out, and since she doesn’t get booked for sh-t, she had to keep at it. Along with Emile Hirsch who was confirmed yesterday as the “surprise” celebrity. Full Story
A-Team has wrapped in Vancouver and Jessica Biel is out. She left yesterday, did not bother to stay for the afterparty…of course not. Must rush to reattach herself to Pippy’s jheri curl. Skinny and pale, Biel seemed rather fond of her driver as they parted after unloading a ridiculous amount of gear. Full Story
It’s the much anticipated Vogue cover for January 2010 featuring Rachel McAdams. Our girl has her very own. You like it? Me, I’m underwhelmed. She looks so old, non? It’s the hair. Dean wrote to me just now that “I don’t understand what her hair is supposed to be doing”. Full Story
Oh Shelfy loses another one. Natalie Portman continues to work, continues to land interesting scripts, while Jessica Biel, who desperately wants those opportunites, isn’t, doesn’t, can’t. Portman is currently shooting Black Swan in New York for Darren Aronofsky with Mila Kunis. She’s taking Hesher to Sundance – a film she produced – then a comedy called Your Highness with James Franco and Danny McBride slated for Fall, she’s confirmed for Thor (another role Biel wanted), and now it’s been announced that she will produce and star... Full Story
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association. They are feeding Pippy’s ego and worse, they are giving him encouragement to keep acting. If you’ve ever seen him in a movie, from Alpha Dog to Edison to Black Snake Moan to The Love Guru, well you know. You know that encouraging him to keep acting is a disservice to the world. Full Story
I’m tired of telling her to sit DOWN. Every time she opens her mouth she’s asking for a sit DOWN. At this point it’s become STAY DOWN. And since she’s starved her Shelf Ass away, maybe that should be her new name. STAY DOWN Jessica Biel. It’s a new interview with The Independent... Full Story
Pip is working on The Social Network (Facebook story) with Jesse Eisenberg. He and Jesse have apparently bonded on set. Here they are leaving together at the end of a long shoot last night. Before you start thinking it, there are no smutty allusions here. Just straight up new besties. Can we talk about his hair for this film? What is it? Slightly longer, yes. Full Story
Sweet Christ, can you imagine being invited to tag along for this one? The only benefit would be finishing off their food. Because you know they don’t eat. Jessica Biel and Jennifer Garner hooked up for dinner last night in LA following Biel’s appearance on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien during which she talked about hiding from the paps using disguises, pretending like she doesn’t pre-arrange her sightings. Full Story
