Smutty Surgery Articles
It was a star studded carpet last night for Filth & Wisdom as all tried to gain Her Madgesty’s favour. Including Lindsay Lohan. Especially Lindsay Lohan. That’s coming up. Also Chace Crawford and the panty exploding piece of shamef&cking hotness known as Chuck Bass. Later. For now…others paying their respects at court: The beautiful Brooke Shields who, at 2 years older, still looks 10 years YOUNGER than Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman. Full Story
That would be Granny Freeze, Nicole Kidman. What would her life be without it? Never mind her life… what would her FACE be without it? Sharon Osbourne would like to know… Sharon has had every procedure known to plastics. And she was on Chelsea Handler’s show recently calling out Gran and every other twat in Hollywood for not being as forthcoming: “Oh my God! Those liars! I hate them! Those bitches! 'They are like, "I didn't do anything. Full Story
Your first reaction might be to applaud Courteney Cox for admitting to using Botox. Especially since Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman, despite the obvious immobilisation in her forehead, ridiculously refuses to admit what has been long regarded as a universal truth. But here’s the thing… Courteney’s admission is that she TRIED it. Full Story
Nicole Kidman was honoured last night at the Women in Hollywood Tribute hosted by Elle Magazine. As you can see, Gran’s face is as frozen as ever. Seriously, that forehead is smoother and tighter than a porcelain toilet. Having said that, I do like Granny much better with straight hair. It’s definitely more youthful, even if she’s letting the roots gray out. Full Story
No…it’s not 1990. Granny Freeze is not promoting Days of Thunder. It’s actually 18 years later. And she is promoting Australia. But she looks EXACTLY the same. Hmmm…I lied. She doesn’t look the same. She looks younger. Only frozen. This is the cover of the November issue of Elle featuring Gran in green and trying to be sexy inside. Full Story
Some are calling it bad bronzer or poorly applied foundation. To me her skin looks raw. Like it’s been scrubbed. Has that Renee Zellweger quality about it, you know? Either way, someone’s losing their job today. Whoever was assigned the unfortunate task of doing Zeta’s makeup will be fired. Full Story
The good news is… her face doesn’t look so terrifying. Amazing how some people put other people into perspective, right? Constant shots of Madonna and Granny Freeze have numbed us all, no pun intended. The bad news… she’s shopping at the mall. You know those ladies’ stores at the mall? They have names like After Six. Full Story
As I mentioned often over the last few months, Victoria Beckham kept a surprisingly low profile this summer, often unseen for weeks at a time. Some gossips are now suggesting that the reason behind her uncharacteristic absence from the spotlight had nothing to do with family obligations and working on her own line, but everything to do with recovery from rhinoplasty. Full Story
Have been riding the Demi Ashton love train for a while now. Demi and Ashton make sense. Right and perfect. Even more so now since silly schoolgirl Michael Phelps daydreams rule my life. Only problem – few of us infant-coveting cougars have Demi’s genes. Yes, yes, and money and her surgeon too. Full Story
Gran on the cover and the in the pages of Vogue, shot before she started showing, not that she’s showing much now. You’ll recall, she announced her pregnancy 30 seconds after Keith Urban fertilised her botoxed eggs. A brave move for someone who’s suffered so many miscarriages. But as they say in the article, Nicole Kidman is fearless. Full Story
The worst boob job in Hollywood went out last night to some private party. Not sure how Tara Reid finagled her way onto the guest list but some things never change. It’s not the worst she’s ever looked but the girl is still as skank ass as ever. Funny thing is… her legs are not unlike Victoria Beckhams. Full Story
Dear Gossips,
Well… I didn’t hate it. But I didn’t love it either. Did you see it? Were you out with Carrie and the girls this weekend? Chances are you were. I went with my Main Gay Darren. We loved her studded belt. And the chemistry between the girls. We giggled at the way Charlotte said: but we’re in Mexico. Jason Lewis is f&cking hot. But the amount of makeup Chris Noth was wearing frightened us. I replied to emails on my blackberry three times because it was too bloody long. And either give the mute Chinese baby something to say or do or don’t include her bloody in the scene!
By the way - where the hell was the 5th lady New York City?
Would love to hear your thoughts. Please do share.
As for Darren and I… we must be two old bitches. Because we were more excited about the Mamma Mia trailer than the actual movie. Can’t wait!
Darren and I are also the annoying assholes sitting in front of you who won’t shut up. But only during the previews. Especially during the previews for Baz Lurhmann’s Australia, starring Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.
Have you had the pleasure? If no, click here.
We played the funnest game ever: Does Her Face Move?
After nearly 45 seconds, during which Granny Nic appeared on screen every other shot, we remarked with delight that it remained frozen. Not even a muscle twitch. But at one point Darren made a momentous discovery. He leaned over and observed wryly:
She blinked.
Of course I lost my sh*t. And more sh*t went missing when Darren followed up by noting that Hugh Jackman was “down-acting” to deflect her handicap, as in intentionally muffling his talent so as to make up for the fact that hers has been immobilised by Botox.
Seriously, you must have a look. It will make your life. And Hugh Jackman really is a dreamboat.
MTV Movie Awards went down Sunday night. Many photos to follow. But it all boils down to this: Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp Forever.
Also the guest list from the GMD’s house party. Oprah and the Scientologists and all turned up. The GMD has powerful friends. It’s Monday – am in Toronto for a two day blast on assignment for eTalk at the CTV Upfronts. Will be blogging all day between shoots. Check back often.
Yours in gossip,
Lainey
Ugh. Ashton Kutcher’s facial hair. Those of you who’ve been reading a long time know… I call him Gary when he does this. As in Gary from Team America: World Police. When they tried to make Gary look like a terrorist by gluing beard batches haphazardly on his face. Ashton’s attempts at older manliness are equally as ridiculous. Full Story
She might be Australia’s princess but not all Aussies are enamoured with Granny Freeze. Turns out the smutmongering is in overdrive Down Under about Nicole Kidman’s curious bump and her crazy botox. The speculation is delicious. Here are my two favourites: 1. Gran’s sister, the very fertile Antonia, is apparently keeping a very low profile. Full Story
She is as obvious as Ebola on a photo opp. Can you imagine? An Oscar winner having to stoop down to Paris Hilton’s level? This is now Nicole Kidman’s reality. Gran showed up with a noticeably bigger bump at the Country Music Awards the other night holding on to her belly in nearly every. Full Story
Take a look at this cartoon. Do you want to be this cartoon??? Yes, we all want to stay young forever. And I will do what it takes to look 30 forever. But I'm also lazy AND chicken. So hell, I'll scrub my face with blue algae that stinks of dog plaque if it means no needles and no doctors. Fortunately for the squeamish though, there are advancements in beauty products that are making it possible. Full Story
Check out Catherine Zeta-Jones shooting in New York today on location for The Rebound. Call me Cruise but her eyes look like they’ve had an Asian lift. Matter of a fact, her face looks remarkably fresh – almost 10 years younger. Beautiful. Is she simply well rested… or did she get a referral from Madonna and Demi Moore? Photos from Splashnewsonline.com... Full Story
In more ways than one. Have you ever seen a woman work bump the way Gran is working her bump? Last week her bump was a molehill. This week is a bubbling volcano. Nicole Kidman spoke at a UNIFEM press conference yesterday at the UN and bordered on Rossum with her incessant bump-highlighting antics that had some people distracted and others wondering why she didn’t just hire a man to walk around with a neon arrow point at her belly. Full Story
As a typical Canadian, for the last 2 weeks, the only thing on tv is hockey. First round is always the most fun. Am particularly amused by how Sidney Crosby is trying to grow a moustache. Only Orlando Bloom has fewer whiskers. Last night, Detroit at Nashville, Granny Freeze and Keith Urban were watching from a box… and at one point, across all feeds in Canada and the US, the camera panned over to Gran and Keith who were “caught” in an intimate moment. Full Story
Holy mother of all f&ckedupness. Take a look at Lara Flynn Boyle. If you can stomach it…take a close look at Lara Flynn Boyle. Those of you with kinder hearts will perhaps plead her case by calling this some kind of disorder. Those of you, like me, who are going to hell will call this a direct result of punishing your body by not eating, for years not eating, and by mangling your face with injections. Full Story
